And Just Like That She Was Gone

But a few weeks before she left this universe we had a conversation. We talked about her plants. She loved plants. Flowers, trees, vines, herbs, just about anything would grow under the careful tending of her hands. She always had that intuition of what each plant needed at a certain time. Oh, she studied as well. She had many books on the different varieties of plants that she grew or wanted to grow in the future. What information not found there would lead to a trip to the nursery to discuss soil or proper feeding techniques. Although privy to many of these discussions I always had the impression she just instinctively knew.  As far back as I can remember our back yard looked like a plant nursery. Back in the 1970's when macrame hanging pots were popular we had many. Ours were filled with huge ivy and various other plants plentiful with leaves and flowers.

I never had the gift of helping things grow. I never got the formula correct. It was always too much or too little of this or that. I ended up with pitiful dried up pieces of dirt. Many times she would come and help me get my yard presentable. We would dig and get the flowers just right. I had limited success. But I learned a bit along the way.

So she had some amaryllis bulbs and had previously had limited success with them. She had decided to get two huge bags of Miracle Grow potting soil and just put the bulbs in there and see what happened. It was an experiment of sorts.  That was part of our conversation.

A few weeks later she was gone.

While at her house picking up some things, one of them being plants, her husband took me beside the garage and showed me two huge bags of potting soil and asked if I wanted them. I told him I knew exactly what there were, and yes, I did.

I took the bags and planted them in two pots.

The next Spring, 2004, I waited. Would anything happen? Would they bloom?  Finally, the first bit of green appeared above the dirt. A sign. There was life. The experiment had worked. Those bulbs were going to make it. And they did bloom.  One red, the other pink.
And they have bloomed every Spring since then. They have multiplied. I have divided bulbs and put them in different pots and given some away.

10 years of blooms.

I can't help it. I get excited to see the first signs of green popping through the dirt every year. Then when the bud starts it is amazing. When the flower blooms it is wonderous. To others it may just be a flower in a pot. Not to me.

Sometimes the simple things in life can take on a whole different meaning. The bloom of a flower can be like a sister tapping you on the shoulder and saying,

"Sister, I'm still here, look at me!"

We only have to be observant of our surroundings to find the blessings laid in our paths each day.

The flutter of a butterfly. The song of a beautiful red cardinal. The soulful eyes of a wondering dog that crosses our path. A rock shining more brilliantly than all the others. That one brighter star in the sky at night.

Lessons. Gifts. Messages.

We are only left alone if we chose to ignore our blessings.

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When The Devil Perches On Your Shoulder!

**All the photos in this blog were taken by jerryandjuliekarenjackson on 08-08-08 in The Woodlands, Texas at Kid Rocks Rock-N-Roll Jesus Tour. For more photos you may look here:


http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=71585&l=35861&id=584050597





When The Devil Perches On Your Shoulder!

Tonight Big Daddy and I went to the movie. We saw Gran Torino. The movie was great. Clint Eastwood did a wonderful job with the character. It is one of several movies we have seen lately that has made me think afterward. I love movies like that. I like to think about the subject. If I leave a movie and I am still thinking about it a few days later, I judge that to have been a great script. I also like the movies that just make you laugh, but a movie with some good subject matter and meaning is good in this day when it seems like all they can come up with is remakes of the movies of old.
After the movie we went across the street where our bikes were parked and we went into a new grocery/restaurant/meat market/ice cream shop/coffee shop/gift shop (yeah, all of that in one store) that was across the street. I had been wanting to check it out because I never could figure out what it was. Well, now we know. It’s a big ass place with a lot of stuff in it! A free for all of food. Cooked or uncooked. And Chocolate! Yummy!
After our adventure in the store we went out to huddle up on our bikes. Across the street at the movie theatre there was the biggest ruckus you could imagine. There was a guy yelling and going on. We looked over and there was a group of people around him. I noticed that someone was holding a flag or something. We stood there for a minute getting our stuff together and kept listening. I told Big Daddy it sounded like those homeless guys downtown that stand on the steps of the big churches and preach, well, yell. As we continued to get our stuff together BD said he was preaching. I said oh, no, we have to go over there and see this. So off we went to look at what they were doing. We walked over and there was a group of about 20 people gathered around holding a huge sign on a tall pole with some scriptures on it. The ‘preacher’ was yelling to the top of his lungs about how we would regret the life we were living in this sinful place and would one day wish we had listened to his words and chosen the right path. They were handing out some papers to people. Well, no one would take them, but they were trying to hand them out anyway. There were a lot of cars parked there waiting in the circular drive to pick people up after the movie. I wonder what Mr. Preacher thinks I am doing that is so bad? What is my great sin? I also wonder what would happen if I wanted to stand outside the movie theatre and ‘preach’ the word of Alice Cooper? Or, perhaps yell out the lyrics to “Welcome To My Nightmare”? Would they call the sheriff’s department and have me removed? Is it okay to stand and yell your beliefs if you have a huge religion standing behind you? In that situation it’s okay to disturb the peace? Sorry, Mr. Preacher but not everyone wants to hear what you have to say, and there may be a better way to get the message across.
But, me being me, I had to stage my own little religious service.
As we crossed the street to go back to our bikes I hatched a plan. I decided to get my IPOD, plug it into Jerry’s bike, (mine doesn’t have outside speakers you see) and play a special song right in front of the preacher and his flock. Jerry wasn’t too keen on the idea at first, but of course he saw the genius of my plan straight away. (of course he did, lol) Off we went across the street. Parked those two Harleys right in front of the preacher and the flock we did. Turned the motors off and turned the volume up loud. And that is when those wonderful words came over the speakers.

Testify
It's a Rock revival
Don't need a suit
Ya don't need a bible
Get up and dance
I'm gonna set you free yeah
It's all sex, drugs, rock n roll
A soul sensation that you can't control
And you can see I practice what I preach
I'm your rock n roll Jesus


Oh, yeah, I did, I spread the word of Kid Rock right there in the parking lot in front of the preacher. We didn’t look at them. When the song was over one of them said “Do you want to talk about the real Jesus?” I still didn’t turn around but I said “I’ve found the real Jesus”.
Jerry said that one lady got out of her car and gave him the thumbs up sign. Apparently she was not amused at the preaching on the sidewalk either.
I’m all for free speech. However, I guess this goes back to the days when my kids were in school and kids weren’t allowed to pray in school but the school allowed the religious kids to go into school early and ‘meet at the poles’. ie: pray Okay, break the rules for the religious people, but not for everyone else. I have a problem with that. It seems that everywhere you look there are allowances made for religion. I don’t understand why someone thinks you have to go to a building to connect with a higher power. Can that not be achieved in your own home? Or hey, what an idea – in nature? Some of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had have happened in nature not in some closed up, closed in building with people dressed in stuffy clothing trying to act like something they are not. I grew up in church from the age of 6 weeks old. I went to a Christian school. I think I have seen both sides of the issue. I choose my side.
Yes, the devil perched on my shoulder tonight. I can’t say there wasn’t in the teeny way back of my brain that old taped brainwashed message saying ‘girl, you’re going to hell for that’. But all I have to say is all my friends are gonna be there and we’re gonna have one hell of a time! AND I had a good time getting there. But the fact of the matter is I know that is not true because there is no hell. There is only new life. And thank Kid Rock and Alice Cooper for that!



Kid Rock’s Rock-N-Roll Jesus

Turn me up in the headphones

Been alotta cheap talk but I rock still
From the streets of Shanghai back to Knoxville
Sittin' high on a mountain top holdin' shop spreadin' the good news
Been alotta false prophets and quick hits
And a lot of unAmerican bullshit
But the time has come to settle and the devil's gonna make u choose

And just like a cold wind blowin' can u feel me comin' for u
Just like a freight train rollin' packed tight full of rhythm and blues

Testify
It's a Rock revival
Don't need a suit
Ya don't need a bible
Get up and dance
I'm gonna set you free yeah
Testify
It's all sex, drugs, rock n roll
A soul sensation that you can't control
And you can see I practice what I preach
I'm your rock n roll Jesus
Yes I am

Been alotta bling bling but it ain't real
And alotta new kings but I won't kneel
Sittin' high on a mountain top, holdin' shop singin' the raw dog blues
Like in old Mississippi's dirty cotton fields
Or in Detroit City's unforgotten wheels
It's the same song spinning but the same song's always been true

And I'm gonna take my roll cuz I ain't got nothin' to lose
And I'm gonna save your soul if it's really what you want me to do










And just for good measure I will add the lyrics to the best song Kid Rock has ever written. It’s a great one:

It's another night in hell
Another child won't live to tell
Can you imagine what it's like to starve to death

And as we sit free and well
Another soldier has to yell
Tell my wife and children I love them in his last breath

C'mon now amen, amen, amen

Habitual offenders, scumbag lawyers with agendas
I'll tell you sometimes people I don't know what's worse
Natural disasters or these wolves in sheep clothes pastors
Now damn it I'm scared to send my children to church
And how can we seek salvation when our nations race relations
Got me feeling guilty of being white
But faith in human nature, our creator and our savior, I'm no saint
But I believe in what is right

C'mon now amen, amen
I said amen, amen

Stop pointing fingers and take some blame,
Pull your future away from the flame
Open up your mind and start to live
Stop short changing your neighbors
Living off hand outs and favors, and maybe
Give a little bit more than you got to give

Simplify, testify, identify, rectify
And if I get high stop being so uptight
It's only human nature and I am not a stranger
So baby won't you stay with me tonight


It's a matter of salvation from them patience up above,
So don't give up so damn easy on the one you love, one you love
Somewhere you got a brother, sister, friend, grandmother, niece or nephew
Just dying to be with you
You know there's someone out there who unconditionally, religiously, loves you
So just hold on 'cause you know it's true
And if you can take the pain
And you can withstand anything, and one day
Stand hand in hand with the truth

I said amen, I said amen

My Confession ~ I Have A Lover.....

I may as well admit. I know a lot of you have already suspected as much in the last few months. This is a bit hard to put in the written word, but, okay, I have a lover. No, not, Jerry, another lover. I do think that he suspects there is something going on and he has for some months now. How could he miss it?
At times I find my mind wondering to the times that I have been with my other ‘man’. Oh what wonderful times we have had together. It doesn’t have to be anything really special that we do. Just hanging out, going to the store, sometimes just to pick up a few groceries, or just to run a few errands together. You know, it’s not always in the quantity of the time, but sometimes just the quality. And man, let me tell you, he does give me quality time! I don’t think there could be any better quality. I truly don’t.
Sometimes, at night, I have found myself dreaming of the times we’ve been together. And if not the previous times we’ve been together I have had dreams of the things we will do in the future. Oh, yes, I know we will have a future together. I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around the possibility of having to give him up. Just the thought of it puts me into a deep panic. What would I do without him? When I have those dreams of our future endeavors I wake up feeling so invigorated, so refreshed, as if we really have been on a great adventure together. Sometimes it helps me make it through the day to remember those dreams. And to know that we can make those dreams come true one day. It might take a while but eventually we can reach every goal we make. Sometimes it helps me make it through the day just to remember the times we've spent together. Wow, what great memories we have made. Often times when he is resting I find myself just staring at him, gazing at his beauty. God, is he beautiful. I’ve never seen a better specimen. Oh, there are others, but not like him. He’s the best. I can’t be swayed by anyone else. I’ve found my perfect match. No one else will do now. I just know my thighs were made to wrap around him. I get such pleasure from rubbing him, massaging him and making sure he is in good shape. And why shouldn't I? He is so good to me. Shouldn't I return the favor?
It started out innocently enough, but then I started buying him little gifts. Just small little things that I thought would make him look better. And looking better makes you feel better, right? Well, they did make him look better and then the obsession just got worse. Therein lies the problem. The obsession just keeps getting worse and worse. Our time together is like a drug, it really is. Sometimes if I have had a stressful day I can meet up with him and my stress just goes away. He relaxes me like nothing else I've ever known. How can you explain something like that? Our time apart is increasingly difficult for me. The longing is just like a drug. And now I have a feeling that we have been spotted out together. He is so unique that if we were seen out in public everyone would know it was us. That is what I am worried about. The secret will soon be revealed. What to do? So I just must go ahead and confess now.
There is a song that reminds me of him. Actually my Idol, Alice Cooper, must have written this very song about my lover.

Somebody better shake you
Somebody better turn your head around
I'm scratching like a wild cat
I'm spitting fire on the ground
You got my venom running thru ya
Ain't gonna let you run off wild
I'm Snakebite
I'm your only man
Snakebite is your lover
You'll never hide, baby understand
Snakebite drags you under
I'm Snakebite
They call me Snakebite
Nobody gonna take you
Nobody gonna touch your rebel skin
I'll break 'em like a matchstick
Cuz baby that's the kind of mood I'm in
My face is tattooed on your shoulder
Your name is scratched into my bike, yeah
You got my venom runnin' thru ya
If you're gonna run
Go running scared, I'm right behind ya

So now I must confess. Here he is.

My Lover, the One I Was Born to Wrap My Thighs Around.
Snakebite.
My 2008 Softail Deluxe

Fortunately We Are Not In Control!!!! or Why I Love Willie Nelson ~ Take your Pick....

I love Willie Nelson. Of course I love his music. His songs have made me cry, laugh, chill out, and sent me deep into memories. But I also love his passion and his approach to life. I love his Bio-fuel bus. I love that he does karate. I love the fact that he plays Trigger, the same guitar he has had for more than 40 years, because why buy something new when the something old sounds so damn good and you love it so much. I love the fact that he bought the town and the surrounding buildings that he was born in. I love the fact that he keeps his family close. His sister Bobby is his piano player, his children work for him. I love the fact that he told the State of Texas to screw themselves when they wanted to name a freaking Turnpike after him. I mean really, a freakin’ TURNPIKE???? For Willie Nelson, the LEGEND? How about a DAMN FREEWAY? WTF.COM???? I love the fact that when you see Willie and you want to talk to him, he does it, and he looks you in the eye as if you really matter. I love the fact that he helps the common man, the Farmer. He cares for people.

That is why several weeks ago when I saw a book at Barnes and Noble titled “The Tao Of Willie” I scooped it up as quickly as I could. It’s not a big book, just a small book billed “A guide to the happiness in your heart”.
Willie is a very funny guy and I knew it would have some funny stories in it.

I read a couple of chapters every once in a while. I just open the book to whatever page the book opens to and I read it. Some of the chapters are insightful and some are just really funny stories.

This past week I have been having a really tough time of it. I don’t really want to splash it all over the internet, but my friends know what I’m talking about.
Jerry had a stressful morning and after he went off to work I picked up the Tao of Willie and flipped it open. I have no idea why this certain chapter popped up, but boy, did it give me a bit of perspective to live by during this time. It fit his morning perfectly and it also has given me a mantra to repeat several times during my trials.

Fortunately We Are Not In Control!!!!

While I was reading it and thinking about our predicaments I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. Cooper was looking at me like I was crazy. (she often does that) The only problem with the laughing was it was causing some pain. Oh, well, it was worth it to get a good laugh so early in the morning.

I once read that to keep yourself healthy you should have one good belly laugh a day. I haven’t had enough of those lately. I should try harder. Well, maybe not for a while. Or maybe some small little inside laughs. Big ones hurt too much.


The Tao Of Willie

ISBN # I-592-40197-X


Here is Willie’s story that gave me so much insight and joy!

Fortunately We Are Not In Control

We wake up in a new world every day.
And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
~ Willie Nelson, “Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way”


”Don’t sweat the small stuff” is one of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard. Or is it “Don’t pet the sweaty stuff” – I never can remember which. Confused?

Join the club.

Does it sometimes seem as if you have no real say in what happens in your life?
There may be a good reason for that.
Do you feel like the years are racing by like fence posts outside your car window and you’ve misplaced the steering wheel?
There’s a good reason for that, because you are careening out of control, flying through the universe at a million miles an hour.

AND THERE’S NO BRAKES!

Let me guess: now you’re really confused. Am I talking about your life or the cosmos? To be honest, I’m a little too confused to say. But here’s the good news.
A certain amount of confusion is inevitable in life. Every day – possibly every hour – we are all faced with a thousand decisions, What to eat? What to say? Where to go? When to stay? Why do this? Why not do that?

As I say to the band, indecision may or may no be our problem.
I’m sure your life is also plenty complicated, but since I don’t know about yours, pretend for a moment that you’re me. This year, like just about every year, you’ll travel tens of thousands of miles in the company of four or five buses, several semi-trailers of members, roadies, technicians, and various assorted hangers-on. All of this will be scheduled around a couple hundred audiences, each of which numbers in the thousands, and it all has to happen on time or everything will fall apart.

Each night, I have to decide which songs to sing and in what order, and the only thing that’s certain is that we’ll run out of time or the venue will run out of beer before I run out of songs.

So things tend to get a little complicated – as things tend to do – and the most single important thing for you to remember is not to panic.

When the panic – among other things – hits the fan, there’s one key phrase to remember.

Fortunately we are not in control.

Sounds so good, I think I’ll try it again.

Fortunately we are not in control.

There. I feel better already.

“Fortunately we are not in control” is my way of saying it ain’t my fault, and probably isn’t anyone else’s fault either.

So if we’re not in control, you’re probably wondering who is in control. And the answer is: I don’t know. But it ain’t me, and it ain’t you, because….

Fortunately we are not in control.

Here’s the good part. Once you admit that you can’t control everything, then it becomes clear that sometimes you just have to let things happen. It just makes everything so much easier, and it keeps you a lot happier with they way things work out.
Think of it this way:

If you get out of bed thinking everything’s gonna be wonderful, all too soon you’re going to see things happen that aren’t so wonderful. And if your walking around thinking everything’s going to be terrible, then you’re gonna obsess on that and miss what was good.

So where does that leave us?

An excellent question, because we are left with the simple fact that the beauty of life is in the discovery of things as they happen.
Like my first wife Martha, used to say, “Don’t worry about a thing….there ain’t nothing gonna work out right.”

I’m not sure I knew what she meant at the time, but she seemed happy when she said it.

Sixty years ago, if Id had the opportunity to lay out my whole life just the way I wanted it to happen – whatever I would have planned would have paled in comparison with what’s actually happened.

And all I can say about that is….Fortunately, I wasn’t in control.

Little Star Cemetery ~ Where It All Started

A lot of people know about my interest in cemeteries. Not many people know how that interest started. The most common question I hear when someone knows that I photograph cemeteries is "Why?", and the next is "How did you get into doing that?". Those questions have an easy answer, although they are still too complicated to explain to the casual question. Here is the long explanation that I can't often give when someone asks me.

My grandfather, William Thomas Cooper, was a Reverend in a little town called Grayson, Louisiana. He and my grandmother, Bessie, lived on a road where they had the only house. At the end of the road was a small cemetery. Little Star Cemetery held the graves of my grandmothers first husband who had passed away while she was pregnant with my Uncle, and her two babies that passed away shortly after their birth. Grandpa took care of the cemetery over the years by mowing and keeping up the graves. I have since learned that other people helped with this as well. When we would visit Louisiana my sister and I would go to the cemetery with him to play while he would work. And that led to times when we would walk down the dirt and rock road to play and investigate the graves on our own. That might seem strange to some people but to us it was a nice place to be and our mother didn't have to worry about us. It had a fence so we couldn't go anywhere and let's face it, no one could get us there because they were all 'otherwise engaged'. While at Little Star we would also visit the graves with our Grandma and our mother. We were told the stories of the two babies, our Grandma's first husband, Willis, and his mother, Emily, and a special friend of the family, Mr. Tony Cardot. At the time I never realized that I was gleaning history from these casual visits to the cemetery. I now wish I could go back to those days and write everything down as it would be so helpful to my research.

At Little Star there is a very special grave. His name is James Earl Grant. I would often sit at his grave when my cousins would play there. They sometimes made fun of me for sitting there for so long. However, this grave was special to me and I was always drawn to it. In my mind James Earl was about 3 years old. I knew he was a young child but since I was so young I never took much notice of the dates on his stone. His grave was partly above ground and always had shells on it. No matter how many years passed those shells were always there. I always thought it strange that so far from the ocean a grave would have shells on it. As my love of cemeteries grew I began to photograph the headstones. I never knew what to do with the photographs but I guess I knew one day an opportunity would arrive.

One day while searching the internet for some family names I saw my grandfathers' name. The link took me to a site called Findagrave. It was there that I found a community to share my photos and stories of graving. I added my photo of my special angel, James Earl, on Findagrave. I received an e-mail from a lady who told me that she was his sister and that she wondered why I had added him to Findagrave. After exchanging emails with her I learned more about him and her family. I learned that he was only 2 months old and he passed away from SIDS in 1948. I also learned that she had always wondered why the shells were on his grave and had never been given an answer from her parents. One day while looking at his memorial on Findagrave I saw a beautiful picture of him as a newborn with his mother holding him. The caption on the photo said "This is for you James Earl, you and Julie". His sister had left the picture there for him and for me. I was so touched that she would do that. There is a little more to the story of me and James Earl and only about 5 people on earth know the whole true story, she is one. I won't share it with anyone else. It is too special. We still e-mail today, it turns out that our Grandmothers were friends and she still has a rocking chair that my Grandfather made for her Grandmother.

It truly is a small world.

So when people look at me strangely when they find out I'm a modern day grave hunter, I just smile. Because inside I know the joys of the things that have happened in my life just from taking a few pictures in a lonely cemetery on a hot afternoon. Or walking the cemetery in the freezing cold after an ice storm with a loved one and the joy that can bring, and the history I can learn. Or the excitement I feel when I get and e-mail from a stranger that says, "You took a picture of my uncle's headstone; he was killed in the line of duty". Or the wonder I felt when I found a headstone that said "Time Reveals All Things, Assassinated in Brenham Texas". That headstone sent me on a search for a newspaper from the 1800's where I found out he had been shot on the front porch of a saloon. He had once been involved in a shoot out with Belle Starr. His killer was never found. Where else can your mind be prompted to go on such a hunt? Imagine how touched I felt when I walked upon the most beautiful angel monument I have ever seen and in her hands was one single red rose, left only long enough to have wilted perfectly to the form of her hands as if it was one with her hands, the love of that sight, to know that someone else had walked in that very spot only hours earlier. I have been brought to tears, jumped for joy, said "there you are, finally", severely saddened, broken hearted, thankful, grateful and happy, Where else can you be prompted to have such varied emotions in one place? Only in one place I can think of.

A cemetery.

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GSln=grant&GSmid=24420413&GRid=5726212&